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Scarred - My Journey

I thought I'd share some of what has been going on with me the last six months. The journey is far from over. 
Since my scrapbook pages upload as tiny .jpegs here is the text on the journaling part. The rest of the page should be legible.
This is me, in all my glory, 6 months after my first total knee replacement on the right, and now one month after the left knee was replaced. The journey to replacement started many, many years ago, in my teens. In my 40's the pair have been nothing but a headache and in an out of pain meds, injections, fluid removal, xrays and more. No new knees said the half dozen doctors I saw over the years. Too young. Arthritis not that bad. Keep moving, they said. The pain grow worse. Mobility nearly impossible. How can I be mobile when it hurts some days so much it brings tears to my eyes. The swelling that came from movement often would take a week to die down. Keep moving indeed.
July 2013, Salt Lake City, Stampin' Up! 25th anniversary convention. Face met sidewalk outside my hotel. Right knee, at this point known as Shaky, said "no more. I cannot hold you up any longer." Boo, said I. What am I to do? To young to replace. To painful to move. No longer the ability to be upright. See health deteriorate. See muscles weaken. See flab grow and fluid retention grow every day. Morale and all.
Enter M. Hebert, ortho extraordinaire. Let's get you a new knee. Maybe two. Let’s get you moving again. Let's giving you hope. Let's do this. Survived a 17 day trip, somehow, and came home and 10 days later met Hank!
September 6 Hank entered my life rather quickly, but necessarily. Said a quick bye to Shaky without a glance backward. Recovery was on pace, though painful with an injured MCL medial collateral ligament from July's face plant. Hank runs hot and swells, but is reliable, useful, useable. Range of motion stopped at 90 degrees because I needed my other knee replaced.
February 6, five months to the date of the Hank, I said farewell to Cranky, my left knee, aptly named because it had been cranky and irritable since my early teens. Heisenberg became my new friend, so named after Walter White's alter ego Heisenberg from Breaking Bad. It fit. Smart. Adventurous. Problematic. That last one being the stickier side of my life right now.
Walt had his health issues. Family issues. Career issues. I too, am faced with all of that. Not to the drama level of a television show, but problematic to say the least. What my family has been through because my health, my mobility issues, for years, for the last nine months, while I have been useless around the house, is a lot to ask, is a lot for two teens to see a parent go through. It has put a further strain on a tenuous at best relationship with my mother, as she blames me for not all her problems. Putting further strain on what little free time Rory has left, to care for me, my mother, the kids, but not himself. It has meant putting my business on hold. A BIG RED PAUSE button on two flourishing businesses. A pause on moving forward on anything in my life as I try to recover from two very major surgeries so close together.
There have been many doubts about doing this, as the recovery road can be up to two years, in just the last few days. Now I am faced with a quad muscle that can contract but sends no signals anywhere. My knee and leg just waiting for a signal, a call to action. Concerning. Debilitating. Still relying on all my medical equipment as if surgery was just last week, not last month.  Waiting to move forward. Stuck where I do not belong. Waiting for the sun to shine over me.



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